I am thankful.

Today is Thanksgiving and over the past few days I have been reflecting on what I am most thankful for...

1. I am thankful for my daughter. She is beautiful inside and out. She is kind. She is passionate. She is smart. She is innocent. I could not have wished for a more wonderful blessing than my daughter.
2. I am thankful for my parents. They are generous. They are loving. They are forgiving. My life as I know it would not have been possible without the support my parents provide for me. I am a good parent because I learned from the best.
3. I am thankful for my sister and her wonderful husband. They are faithful. They are fun. They are determined. I love them for so many reasons and I miss them terribly.
4. I am thankful for my house. It is a struggle to live on my own, but it's an answer to many prayers.
5. I am thankful for my job. Not only am I blessed to have a stable job that provides for me and my little family, but I am honored to be a presence in the lives of many, many teenagers.
6. Finally, and definitely most importantly, I am thankful for my beautiful, loving, faithful, forgiving heavenly Father and his perfect Son, my Savior, my Jesus. My God is so amazing that He sent His son to die for me. I was hopeless, but I have been saved and the concept of this is sometimes too hard to fathom...

I came across a passage in the Bible that expresses my thanks better than I could ever articulate.

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving thanks.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Salvation by faith...

At the very beginning of my spiritual journey my sister bought a Bible for me. I actually didn't even own one before then. The Bible she bought for me is totally awesome! It is a New International Version Life Application Study Bible. Basically, within the Bible there is commentary that explains certain things, gives historical background information, and biographies and insight. I love reading all the extra information along with my daily scripture reading.

A few weeks ago as I was reading through Colossians, I came across a very interesting chart that explains the differences between trying to obtain religion through self-effort instead of gaining salvation through faith. I think this is something many people struggle with - thinking, "If I can only change this about myself then I will be good enough." But that is exactly the wrong type of thinking. It is not US who changes ourselves, it is the Holy Spirit through our acceptance of Jesus Christ our Savior.

Here's a little of what the chart says:

Salvation by faith in Christ sounds to easy for many people. They would rather think that they have done something to save themselves. Their religion becomes one of self-effort that leads either to disappointment or pride, but finally to eternal death. Christ's simple way is the only way, and it alone leads to eternal life.

Basically, through religion by self-effort, this is the process:

1. Goal--> We try to please God through our own good deeds.
2. Means --> We practice diligent service, discipline, and obedience in hope of reward.
3. Power --> We put up a good, honest effort through self-determination.
4. Control --> This is done through self-motivation and self-control.
5. Results --> From all of this, we often feel chronic guilt, apathy, depression, failure, and a constant desire for approval.

However, through salvation by faith:

1. Goal --> We trust in Christ and then live to please God.
2. Means --> We confess, submit, and commit ourselves to Christ's control.
3. Power --> The Holy Spirit in us helps us to do good work for Christ's kingdom.
4. Control --> Christ is in us; we are in Christ.
5. Results --> From all of this, we will feel joy, thankfulness, love, guidance, service, and forgiveness.

I fully admit that I am guilty of thinking that I need to do something to change. I need to stop judging others, I need to stop having one to many drinks, I need to be more responsible at work, I, I, I, I... But it's not I. I am not in charge. When I accepted Christ, I accepted the Holy Spirit into my body. It's not by what I do that will change me but by the Holy Spirit.

Paul says in Galatians:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. ~ Galatians 5:22-26

So, in essence, we can do nothing, change nothing without the grace of our Lord. He is the one who is in control. The fact that I am even writing this post about salvation by faith is a testament to how much God is in control. I mean, who would have ever thought that I would be writing a very spiritually based blog?! I NEVER would have even considered this a few years ago. But God has been working in me, changing me, tweaking me, sanctifying me. And oh wow do I have a LONG way to go... but I thank the Lord every day for his unending love and grace.

And finally, our salvation through Christ Jesus is summed up again by Paul in Romans:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ~ Romans 5:1-2

Contentment

I know in my last blog post I said I would continue my thoughts on Ephesians... but time simply got away from me. I still am in love with the letter that Paul wrote and I think about it often. So now I would like to talk about another of Paul's letters. This is from his letter to Timothy, who was like a son to Paul. Timothy was in Ephesus and Paul wrote this letter to him to encourage him in his leadership role. The following is something I read today that really stuck with me.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. I Timothy 6: 6-10

I love the first line - "But godliness with contentment is great gain." If we combine godliness with being content in life then we will experience great gain! I feel so encouraged from this.

"For we brought nothing into the world, and we take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." How true is this?! We can not take ANYTHING with us when we die so why waste contentment with anything besides our basic needs?

This next line is powerful - "Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." Wow. I am guilty of this... I've wanted to get rich. If I'm honest, I still feel that if I had more money or even an unlimited amount of money my life would be much easier. But that's exactly the opposite of what Paul is saying. Money is not contentment. In fact it can really lead us into destruction.

And here's the most famous line, one that is often misquoted - "For the LOVE of money is a root of all kinds of evil." Money is not evil. Having a lot of money doesn't make one evil. It's the LOVE of money, making money the most important thing, making it an idol that is evil.

And the last line - "Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." This is something I do not want to ever do, wander from the faith. It took me so long to get here that I can't imagine wandering from faith, but it can happen so easily. It only takes a slight change, a slight exception, etc. and wham, faith is far from you.

So I'm going to remember this - "But godliness with contentment is great gain." I am content and I am living by the Spirit therefore by the grace of God I am in possession of great gain!

Ponderings on Ephesians...

As I have written about before, this is my first year to read through the Bible. In case you haven't read my previous posts, I am reading the Bible through the Daily Audio Bible. A wonderful servant of God, Brian Hardin, reads a little out of the Old Testament, the New Testament, Psalm, and Proverbs everyday and he makes his podcast available to anyone to download for FREE. Anyway, as this is my first year, this is my first experience with many of the books of the Bible. I love getting to a new book and learning about the history of the book, as well as gaining whatever God has in store for me.

I just recently finished the book of Ephesians. W.O.W. This book is so rich with insight, wisdom, and virtue that I need to go back and read it again. Paul is the author and he truly was divinely inspired because what he had to say makes so much sense, even for now 2000 years later. I'm going to hit a few highlights of what really spoke to me. Before I do that though, let me just write a little disclaimer: Obviously I am no Bible scholar. What I write is what I got from my reading and is therefore my conclusion. :)

To start off Paul writes this in chapter 1, verses 4-6:

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Isn't that amazing?! God chose us before creation! I find that to be so comforting and awe-inspiring...

Next, in chapter 3, verses 16-19:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being; so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Paul prayed that we may have the power to know how much God loves us. God's love for us is so huge, that it goes beyond all human comprehension. I can not understand it. There are some things that we are not meant to really understand until the given time and this is one of those things. Yes, I know God's love for me is steadfast and faithful and bigger than any love ever imagined, but can I really, truly know what that feels like until I see his radiant son? I don't know... But the fact that he loves me this much is enough for me right now.

Moving on to chapter 4, verses 17-19:

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

I know this one seems a little harsh. At least it does to me because I feel it describes many people in this world exactly. The "Gentiles" here is referring to non-believers, or at least that is what I think. Why do I think this passage describes many people today? Because a few years ago, this was me. (And still is from time to time...) I was darkened in my understanding - I had none! I was separated from God because I separated myself. I'm just thankful that my heart was not hardened. Thank you Jesus...

I have more I want to get out, but it will have to wait. I am so so tired and if I continue to write, I will not get it out exactly as I want it. So I will end with this note / comment:

God chose me before he created the world. His love for me surpasses all knowledge. I was in a dark place, separated from God with the impending hardening of my heart, but Jesus saved me. He waited patiently for me to return to him. I am not worthy of his love, but he gives it freely and sincerely. Man, God is awesome.

I heart the Duggars!

So I'll just come out and say it. I love the Duggars! You know, the family with 19 kids... I love them! I want to go on record saying that they appear to me to be such a loving and faithful family. Every time I see the show, I am always impressed at how well behaved and well adjusted the kids seem to be. I love the fact that the whole family puts God first. Their love for the Lord is so evident in how they live their every day lives, and it is also obvious that the Lord has truly blessed this family, not only with children, but with inspiring others around the world.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.
~ Psalm 127:3 from NLT

What I can't understand is all the hate directed towards this family. Obviously having so many kids is not for everyone, but who are we as a society to dictate how many kids one can have? Those 19 kids seem much more "normal" than a heck of a lot of my high school students! There is so much judgement and negativity towards this family and it really isn't right. It is not our place to judge anyone.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So I say woohoo for the Duggars! I'm thankful there is a wholesome show to watch that is also fun!

Scripture memory, for real.

So my 5 followers may be wondering why I haven't written since July... Well, the real reason is that I was waiting for that "perfect" blog idea. Most nights I open up my blog and think to myself, nah, that's not a great blog idea. Who would want to read about that. But you know what? I'm tired of waiting for perfect. ha!

Tonight I want to share with everyone just how wonderful God is. He is my rock, my friend, my father, my savior, my wisdom, my love. I look back on the years of my life when I was living without Him and I wonder how on earth I did that. I simply can not imagine my life without talking to, thinking about, talking about, writing about, worshipping, praying to, crying to, holding on to, being with God.

Every year my life seems to get just a bit busier. This year (and just so you know, I think in terms of school years) is the busiest yet! Monday and Tuesday I rush home to get Madi and take her to riding, Wednesday I tutor, I often bartend on Saturday and serve at church on Sunday. Monday through Wednesday I wake up at 5am, leave the house by 7:30am, and don't get home until about 7:30pm. Thursday and Friday I try to not schedule anything afterschool but I really want to start a small group and I think it will be on Thursdays. During the week I try to keep the house clean, but by Friday it's always a mess. So Saturday is heavy cleaning day, and grocery trip day. But that's only if there isn't a horse show to go to which means waking up yet again at 5am to be there by 6:30am. And all of this is only outside of work... During the work day I have my 150+ students to deal with, plus their parents, plus grading papers, plus lesson planning, plus meetings, plus committees (where I seem to be the one to do most of the work), plus mentoring a new teacher (who is awesome!). Sheesh... I think you get the idea. lol! By no means do I think I live the world's busiest life or do I feel sorry for myself. Please don't think that! I just sometimes feel that I have all these balls I'm juggling and it can get a little hairy at times.

My point is this: I've been feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. And for those of you who know me pretty well, I really don't stress that easily. So, a few weeks ago when I was almost to the breaking point, I decided to turn to something that I knew would be able to help me. I turned to God's word.

A few days earlier, I was reading an awesome book called "A Voice in the Wind" by Francine Rivers and the main character was reciting a Psalm. That Psalm stuck with me and in the midst of my stress, I felt lead to memorize the whole thing. Now, I had thought about memorizing scripture before, and had memorized some already, but not something so long. So what I did was write it down on a notecard and basically bring that card with me wherever I went. After a few days I had it memorized and I would say it to myself when I was feeling particularily stressed.

Here's the scripture:

Psalm 23 (NIV)

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me. You rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil. My cup overflows. Surely goodness and love with follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

It's amazing how such a simple solution can do wonders for a complicated life. God's word is so powerful. I feel that memorizing His word brings me closer to my Lord... because I am thinking about Him, and I feel that He is speaking to me.

So the next week, I wanted to memorize another longer piece of scripture. I found one in Galatians that I really liked. Here it is:

Galatians 5:22-26

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with it's passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying eachother.

Whenever I recite this one, I try to reflect on each fruit of the Spirit. I know that the Holy Spirit is in me and that with the Spirit it is possible to "keep in step with the Spirit".

Now it's a new week and I still haven't decided what to memorize, but I know that God will lead me to what I need. Or maybe He is intending for me to write this instead! LOL!

I think what I've learned through this is to really and truly turn over stress and troubles to God. To put it on His shoulders. He wants to be with you! He wants you to rely on Him. In the past, during difficult times, it was normal for me to pull away from God and turn to more destructive type behaviors. But now that is not my desire. I desire God above all else. And I know He desires me.

The Long Walk

Every July 7 the community of the Daily Audio Bible takes a walk... It's called "The Long Walk" and it's a time to get away for the day and be with God. Being that this is my first full year with the DAB this is also my first Long Walk. When I first heard about it I was excited to think of a place to go. After a little research I finally decided to drive out to Pedernales Falls State Park. My plan was to walk, pray, listen, read from the Bible, and journal about my experience. Here's what I wrote down today...

Upon arriving at the Pedernales Falls (around 10:30am)



I'm sitting in the middle of the falls and I know I'm going to get burned. (I forgot sunscreen...) But Jesus didn't have sunscreen, so I'm going to tough it out. I'm here today to give it ALL to God, and to give ALL of myself to Him. I don't really know how to give everything to Him, but I'm going to try...

A few hours later, now in a different spot...

God isn't speaking words to me. He's putting me in tough and scary situations to teach me to completely trust and rely on Him. Earlier, as I was hiking, I started on a path and came to a fork in the road. I decided God was pointing me left so I went that way. It was BEAUTIFUL and TRANQUIL. I could hear the gentle roar of the river and the happy chirping of birds. For all I knew, I was the only human around. The path was everything and I was sure that God was leading me to an even more beautiful destination. Here's a picture of the path I was on:



What you can't see in the gorgeous picture is that a little ways down the path, there was a spot where a number of spider webs spanned the width of the path. I went from feeling peaceful to scared in about 5 seconds. I did not want to keep going down that path so I turned around. Not five steps into my hike back did I feel the gentle pushing of God. He wanted me to stay on the path I was on, to face my fear and to keep going. But I was scared! I was afraid of the spiders and that I might get bitten. So I decided to arm myself. I found a big stick and knocked down first web. As I was doing that I saw the spider scurry onto the ground. I felt bad that I had destroyed it's web... Well maybe not too bad. After I knocked that one down, there were more in my way. Why did God want me to keep going!? Didn't he see the danger? Didn't he know I was scared? I turned around again. By this time I was crying and shaking (in retrospect, that seems a little dramatic, but that's what happened nonetheless). This time I got maybe 10 steps away when it hit me. I have to COMPLETELY trust God to get me through the obstacle and continue on my path. So, I turned back, with my big stick, and waved it around like a mad woman, knocking down all the webs. Then I ducked (because I was sure the spiders were still going to land on my head), and prayed, and held onto God... and I got through it. He got me through it.

There were more webs along the path and it was scary at times ( I saw an animal skull hanging from a tree... freaky! ) but the path itself was beautiful. And then it just stopped. There was no beautiful destination. But what God taught me is that sometimes it isn't the destination that is important, but it's the journey and most importantly trusting COMPLETELY in Him. I learned that some of the paths God puts us on are meant to grow us, to strengthen us, and to humble us.

Next "scary" situation, in another part of the park...

In another area of the park, where the river isn't quite as dangerous and swimming is allowed, I found myself in quite a precarious situation. Because there were a lot of people in this area and because I wanted more solitude, I decided to walk in the river to find a more secluded spot. The water was about shin high and not moving very quickly. I saw a nice spot across the way and decided to cross the river. As I was crossing, the water became deeper and it was moving much more quickly. Suddenly, I stumbled on a big rock and almost fell completely in! I caught myself on a rock and stood back up, shaking with adrenaline because I knew if I had completely fallen then I would have not only gotten my back pack (and my bible) soaked, but I also would have gotten hurt. At that moment I realized I was in a scary position. I was rooted firmly on the river bed, but if I lifted my foot even an inch, I felt like I would be taken by the force of river. I knew I would not be able to get back without help. So I prayed that God would protect me and keep me safe. I kept saying "Lord keep me safe, help me across" over and over again. As I was saying this I slowly inched each foot forward and clung on with all my strength. As I was getting closer to the side, praying for protection, I almost fell a few times, but each time a great balance would come into me. I was shaking with adrenaline, but I felt strong and I knew that God would get me through it. I finally reached the side and praised and thanked God.

This experience in the river really spoke to me. What I learned, what God taught me is that there are times, many times, when I will get myself in situations that are hard to get out of and that the only safe way out is with God. I can think of a number of precarious situations that I got myself in because I was not thinking clearly. In many of those situations I didn't even think of turning to God, and of course, the outcomes were not favorable. But the next time I feel that I am for sure going to stumble and fall because of where I got myself stuck, I will hold fast to Him and not let go. He will always provide a way out of any scary situation.

Here's a picture of the part of the river where I was almost swept away...



The rest of the day...

I learned a few other things throughout the day. One is that I'm not taking care of my body the way that I should be. I knew this because many times during my hiking I was so out of breath. I really should not have been, but it makes sense seeing as I don't exercise at all. God gave me this amazing and miraculous body. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! And I need to take care of myself.

Another thing I learned is that God loves to spend time with me. There were a few times when I was walking on a trail that I felt like Jesus was walking right along side of me, silently, but smiling and enjoying the fact that I came to this beautiful place just to spend time with Him. I've neglected Him and relied on Him for only what I need and want. I had never dedicated time just for Him, to listen to Him, to walk with Him, and to just be with Him until today.

Probably the most profound lesson I learned has to do with utter and total trust. It's easy to say "I trust in the Lord" but when things get tough how often do we completely rely on Him? I know I am guilty of trying to do things on my own, and only turning to God when I can't do it. To put your entire being of trust in Him is scary, but it is such a beautiful feeling when it finally happens.

On a final note, throughout the day I read various parts of the bible, wherever it opened up. I read a passage out of Daniel and out of Revelation and then I decided to read out of Psalm. I really wanted to read a certain verse, but I couldn't remember which one it was so I just read different Psalms at random. The third or fourth one I read was the one I wanted to read! (And for those of you not familiar with the book of Psalm, there are like 150 Pslams!) Here's the one I read, and I thought is was so fitting for the day. Enjoy...

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Psalm 27: 4-6

And here are some other pictures of my glory-filled day with God...